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Tzulscha

Short Jokes II The Sequel

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593jones    392

You know, looking at the latest news from the White House, I think the theme song for the Trump presidency should be 'Another One Bites The Dust.'

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John_W    1,537

Chuck Norris watched the Solar Eclipse without protective glasses.

The Sun has gone blind.

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pigsty    1,302

In case anyone missed this on the news ...

 

I don't like this new pound coin.  But then, I hate all change.

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sinnerboy    2,004

yes it made me chuckle :D

 

anyway....

 

I got a call from the Old Bill today saying Mrs Sinnerboy had been arrested.

"what for?" I ask

"well, she was in Superdrug when she leapt over the counter, and started rummaging through the till"

"ah, it's ok" I said

"she's just going through the change"

 

....sorry

 

 

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Pete in Lincs    6,280

One day on Star trek....

 

Captain, there's a giant Satsuma ahead!

Go to orange alert.

 

 

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Scimitar    2,376

My wife phoned me at work to tell me that two parcels had arrived.

She said that one contained my new games console and the other came from an adult toy supplier so when I got home I had to play with her for hours.

I told her she was out of luck as I had only ordered one controller.

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cngaero    1,158
Posted (edited)

The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra employ a man who has to clean around the orchestra pit each night. In other words, the Orchestral Man Hoovers In The Dark.

 

Sorry Matthew, I couldn't resist.

 

Edited by cngaero

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Tony C    419
20 minutes ago, cngaero said:

The Royal Philharmonic Orchestra employ a man who has to clean around the orchestra pit each night. In other words, the Orchestral Man Hoovers In The Dark.

 

Sorry Matthew, I couldn't resist.

 

Mike, we really do need a 'groan' icon!

 

Have to say that I wasn't that bowled over by the best joke and thought nr.5 was far better...

 

5. "I like to imagine the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the 'brella'. But he hesitated" - Andy Field

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cngaero    1,158
6 hours ago, Tony C said:

Mike, we really do need a 'groan' icon!

I did say sorry!!!!!!:P

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Max Headroom    5,968

⬆️ As Barry Cryer once said, "I don't know where you get them from, but when I find out I'm going there and burning it down".

 

Trevor

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Aardvark    192

On the bridge stood kind little girl and angry little girl, and spat from above in passersby. The kind little girl has got to passersby twelve times and the angry little girl has got to passersby nine times.......because the good always overcomes the evil!

 

B.R.

Serge

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jenko    2,332

I've just found out that I can still have sex at 62.

 

This is brilliant as I live at 85.

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Kiwidave4    1,124

I have just been diagnosed with a condition where I deny the existence of certain 80's bands.

There is no Cure!

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HansReggelsen    1,141

Just wondering....:hmmm:

....a monkey that lives in the ventilation shafts - is that a Duct-Ape?! :innocent:

 

You're welcome! :D

 

Cheers :bye:

Hans J

 

 

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Kiwidave4    1,124

I went to the off licence this afternoon on my bicycle and bought a bottle of Scotch which I put in the bicycle basket. 
As I was about ride away I thought to myself, "If I fall off this bicycle that bottle could break."
So I drank all the Scotch before I cycled home. 


It turned out to be a very good decision, because I fell off my bicycle seventeen times on the way home.

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JohnT    2,014

They have opened the new Forth Bridge now and closed the old one for repairs.  The traffic going over has slowed and there are long waits to cross as there are reports of tourists going to see the new crossing and 3 bridges.  I didn't believe it till I had to drive up North myself.  Got there and found huge delays and all these tourists waiting.  I was in a hurry and lost it and went over and just told them "Look its just a bridge OK?  Just get over it."

 

 

 

Thats :coat:and:handbag:then.....

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Kiwidave4    1,124

Sir Cliff Richard has been suffering from much online abuse recently.


He's got himself some spying, talking ,tweeting, stalking, living trolls.

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jenko    2,332

Mummy, mummy..... can I lick the bowl out ??????

 

 

 

 

No dear... pull the chain like everyone else......................

 

 

 

Sorry ...toilet humour :toilet:

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Bullbasket    1,941

Okay, if we've descended to this level....:o...

 

Mummy! Mummy! Can we play with Grandad please?

 

No, you've dug him up twice this week already.

 

 

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bhouse    727

I'm reading the multi-book biography of Spinal Tap. It goes up to volume 11.

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Fatcawthorne    214

Mummy Mummy! Why do I keep running round in circles??

 

Shut up son or I'll nail your other foot to the floor!

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